How hustle, city culture and career drive modern love
Dating is no longer an afterthought. It’s intentional. More than 750+ singles on The League in Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, New York City, San Francisco, and Washington DC shared how their goals and careers shape their dating lives. The results paint a fascinating portrait of modern romance: while drive is nearly universally attractive, how it plays out depends on the city you call home.
The Power of Purpose
Across every city, drive wasn’t just appreciated, it was expected. In New York City, nearly two-thirds (66%) of singles said motivation is a must-have in a partner, while in Los Angeles, that number climbed to 68%. Even in Boston, often known for its intellectual rather than social intensity, more than half (55%) agreed that determination is essential, with another 40% calling it a “nice to have.”
What emerges is a clear national picture: ambition is no longer simply a professional virtue—it’s a romantic one.
The Gender Gap in Drive
Drive is attractive, but how it shows up in dating varies. In every city, women were especially likely to see focus and follow-through as defining traits in a partner. In New York, 82% of women said it’s a must-have compared to 42% of men, and in San Francisco and Washington, DC, that number climbs to 90% for women and 43% for men. Even in Los Angeles (84%) and Miami (86%), women lead the way in saying they’re drawn to go-getters. But that doesn’t mean men don’t value it—nearly half described it as “nice to have,” suggesting that while they’re open to different expressions of success, they still appreciate passion and purpose.
The takeaway? Today’s singles—men and women alike—are redefining what drive looks like in a relationship: not competition, but shared motivation.
Coast to Coast Motivation
Across the country, determination has become part of the love language. Singles in Los Angeles (68%), San Francisco (65%), and New York (64%) were the most likely to call drive a must-have, reflecting each city’s signature energy and ambition. Boston topped the list at 74%, proving that intellectual focus counts, too. Chicago (63%) and Miami (64%) showed a slightly softer side, where connection and lifestyle matter just as much as hustle. And in Washington, DC—where politics and careers often intertwine—58% said drive is essential in a partner. No matter the zip code, the story is the same: singles are looking for partners who are inspired, engaged, and building something, whether that’s a career, a creative pursuit, or a shared life together.
The Pace of Love
Where you live shapes the tempo of your love life. In New York City, dating feels like a sprint, with 70% of respondents calling it “fast and competitive.” Miami singles echoed this, with 59% saying dating feels like a high-speed race, perhaps unsurprising in a city where nightlife and social connections dominate.
On the other hand, Chicago and Boston move more slowly. Almost half of Chicago respondents described dating there as “relaxed and casual,” while Boston leaned toward a steadier, more deliberate approach. San Francisco and Los Angeles revealed a split personality—nearly even between “fast” and “relaxed”—reflecting cities where ambition and lifestyle constantly tug at each other.
The Real Challenge
But if dating has speed, it also has roadblocks. And overwhelmingly, those roadblocks aren’t internal. They’re social.
In Miami, a staggering 85% said the biggest challenge is navigating the city’s socially driven lifestyle, making it the hardest place to find someone serious. Los Angeles wasn’t far behind, with 75% citing social circles as the barrier. Even in New York, where professional focus runs high, 67% admitted that navigating networks and scenes is harder than balancing a demanding job.
In contrast, Washington DC and San Francisco showed a different strain: career pressure. In both cities, over 40% of singles said professional demands—not parties—keep them from love. For these cities, work doesn’t just shape schedules. It shapes the dating pool itself.
“The League is the one place where high-achieving singles know their drive will be celebrated, not questioned,” said Lisa Kraynak, Senior Vice President of Marketing at The League. “Our members are here because they want to meet people who share their ambition, values, and vision for the future, and that’s a rare combination to find anywhere else.”
Career or Compatibility?
Here’s the twist: even as drive dominates, most singles ultimately prioritize something more timeless—emotional connection. In each city surveyed, 60–75% of respondents said emotional compatibility mattered more than shared ambition or career-first alignment.
This reveals a paradox at the heart of modern dating: ambition attracts, but compatibility sustains. Singles want partners who are driven, but not at the expense of balance, authenticity, or emotional resonance.
The City Shapes the Story
So what does it all mean? In New York, love feels like a power couple’s marathon; in Miami, it’s about breaking through the party scene. San Francisco is caught between careers and connection, while Los Angeles tries to blend laid-back vibes with high energy. In Boston and Chicago, dating is more measured, though still tethered to professional networks. And in DC, where politics and careers define so much, drive isn’t optional—it’s the baseline.
Why It Matters
The Intentional Dating Report confirms what The League has always known: love isn’t accidental anymore. Singles are bringing the same focus to relationships that they bring to their careers—connecting with purpose, seeking depth, and refusing to settle. In 2025, it’s not about status; it’s about shared purpose. Because drive isn’t just sexy—it’s the new love language.
Media contact: Michael Kaye
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