With Halloween just around the corner, it seems incredibly appropriate to talk about one of the most common dating practices out there— you guessed it, ghosting! In case you’re lucky enough to have never been ghosted, it’s when somebody you’re dating suddenly cuts all ties and communication with you for no apparent reason. And, yes, even our founder has in fact been ghosted and quite honestly, has even ghosted some poor souls herself.
While talk of ghouls and goblins is generally limited to October 31st, singles have to deal with Ghosts year round! But, before you run away in horror from this seemingly spooky dating practice, or even worse send a strongly worded text to the hottie who ghosted after 3 dates, here are our pro-tips to ghosting (yes, it can be socially acceptable sometimes) and being ghosted:
Recognize the Wind Down.
Ghosting, submarining, benching, flaking, however, you want to spin it, the way we like to think of it, simply put, is to recognize the wind down. If you can tell someone is leaning out, just cut it, especially after a date or two don’t get too upset if you don’t get a response back. If you enjoyed the date send a text the next day. Is there a conversation that continues? If it’s waning then it’s a good signal that the other person is just not that interested in you, or maybe more interested in someone else at that time. Our read receipts feature that comes with membership is a helpful tip to turn on here.
No Ghosting after 3 Dates!
In The League’s opinion, ghosting is acceptable after one or two dates. We’re all busy and trying to juggle dating and matching with someone with 1,000 other things that go on in our daily life. After 3 dates is where it gets messy and people get their feelings hurt, but before 3 dates not texting is a pretty obvious signal that you’re not interested. A good rule of thumb is if you’ve gone on 3-7 dates it’s nice to give the person closure and send something along the lines of: “Hey, you’re an awesome person, but I’m not sure we’re the right fit etc.” By this point you’ve probably shared a combined 6-10 hours with this person, so definitely let them know it’s a no-go!
Be More Pragmatic and Less Stressed.
Don’t take things so personally. Everyone is evaluating different things in typically, a very disorganized fashion. So, of course you are going to have tons of rejections and grab drinks with a lot of frogs disguised as prince or princess charmings. That is the nature of the hidden criteria we are all judging people on. So make sure you’re not wasting your time and figure out your date’s criteria out on the first date. What is this person looking for? What do they think makes for a successful relationship? What are their dealbreakers/criteria? Does this person watch GoT? Figuring out the answers to these important questions will let you be more pragmatic and less stressed.
Just remember, If you’ve just gone on a great date and get ghosted, they are not the right person for you! Your *person* won’t leave you on ‘read’ after the first date, I promise!
– The League Team